I love to wrestle. It’s so much fun. I love to play with my dog friends, but I especially love to wrestle with Jane. I’m very careful with my teeth, because I know they can hurt her.
Friends don’t hurt friends. At least, not on purpose.
Have you ever been hurt by a friend? It’s so much more painful than being hurt by a stranger. That’s because we invest our expectations in our friends. hey become our friends because we like them, so when a friend does something we don’t like, it’s hard to bear. We get mad or we get hurt with much more intensity.
Friends are important. Friends are not perfect. Neither are we. Sometimes we have to forgive our friends, or ourselves for that matter. We’re all doing the best we can with what we have in the moment. Sometimes our best comes up short. But if your friendship is worth saving, it’s worth taking the time to heal the wounds.
Healed wounds leave scars. That’s as true for mental wounds as it is physical. But you CAN heal wounds in a relationship. Scars may remain, but they do fade with time. The key to healing is forgiving and letting go. Like Moshi says, focus on the good stuff about the person or relationship, and let the bad stuff wither away from lack of attention.
Once, when we were playing, Jane’s favorite sweater got caught on one of my teeth. My tooth pulled a big snag in her sleeve, and hurt my mouth in the process. Both of us were upset. But the event, while upsetting, had nothing to do with our relationship. We didn’t take it personally. I forgave Jane for her sweater pulling on my tooth, and Jane forgave me for hooking my tooth on her sweater. We moved on, in love and in friendship.
Is there a situation where you could move on? Can you forgive? Can you let it go? The gift of forgiveness is more for forgiver than the forgivee.